I Wanna Bust Out Too!!!!
Having just finished Shantaram (finally!!!!!) I opened the paper today to read about two other recent jail escapees:
Robert Cole (also known as Andrew David Robertson; mysteriously not unlike author of Shantaram, Gregory David Roberts), who starved himself, in a matter of weeks, into a pint sized super model prisoner so he could squeeze out between the edge of his cell window and it's external bars. Thankfully Who Magazine was not around at the time to take photos of him by the prison pool and therefore his diet regime went unnoticed til he slipped from his room, scaled a wire fence, climbed another, walked along it and jumped over the edge to his freedom, leaving in his a wake a bundle of pillows under his sheets. (My mum would never have fallen for that one). He was so small that not even the security cameras or motion detectors picked him up. Do we think he CSIRO dieted his way to freedom? Or was it the blood group diet? At any rate, look out fatties! I think we've just found ourselves Australia's Biggest Winner!!!!
Then there was a return to jail for Christopher Dean "Badness" Binse who has successfully escaped from prison or hospital security wards no less than SEVEN times!!!! Fuck me dead! He must love the place though, or maybe it's the challenge of getting out again. He only got out of jail last February (in a limo). This time he threatened to kill two strippers at Spearmint Rhino and took a bullet out of his gun to leave at the scene. Huh? And they think Cole is a sicko.
I can't wait to see how he gets out this time.
Anyway, Gregory David Roberts escaped over the front frickin' wall of Pentridge in broad day light! Don't worry if you haven't read the book, I'm not giving anything away here.
So I've decided that if I ever go to jail, I am definitely busting out! I've got a middle name and everything! Have any women escaped from jail in Australia? In the mean time I have compiled a list of things to do in prison:
1. Lose weight
2. Get fuck off fit
3. Read loads and fast track another degree... something useful this time.
4. Get over my fear of masturbating in a room full of women.
5. Get religious.
6. Get unreligious
7. Seduce a guard
8. Write love letters to my beloved (not the guard!!! My beloved on the outside!)
9. Meditate
10. Get a tat or three
11. Start a food fight in the mess hall
12. Make a number plate
13. Start a jail yard choir
14. Campaign for organic meals
15. Avoid getting my head kicked in
16. Let a lady touch me in my swim suit area
17. Find out what Jika Jika means anyway
18. Do some movement workshops with the prisoners. No wait a minute, I just re read 15. Scrap that. Ummm... howl at the moon
19. Grow my pubes down to my ankles (could be handy in my escape)
20. Befriend a rat (could also be handy)
See yous cunts on the other side!
Favourite thing today: Shantaram. You simply gotta read it. It's amazing.
Robert Cole (also known as Andrew David Robertson; mysteriously not unlike author of Shantaram, Gregory David Roberts), who starved himself, in a matter of weeks, into a pint sized super model prisoner so he could squeeze out between the edge of his cell window and it's external bars. Thankfully Who Magazine was not around at the time to take photos of him by the prison pool and therefore his diet regime went unnoticed til he slipped from his room, scaled a wire fence, climbed another, walked along it and jumped over the edge to his freedom, leaving in his a wake a bundle of pillows under his sheets. (My mum would never have fallen for that one). He was so small that not even the security cameras or motion detectors picked him up. Do we think he CSIRO dieted his way to freedom? Or was it the blood group diet? At any rate, look out fatties! I think we've just found ourselves Australia's Biggest Winner!!!!
Then there was a return to jail for Christopher Dean "Badness" Binse who has successfully escaped from prison or hospital security wards no less than SEVEN times!!!! Fuck me dead! He must love the place though, or maybe it's the challenge of getting out again. He only got out of jail last February (in a limo). This time he threatened to kill two strippers at Spearmint Rhino and took a bullet out of his gun to leave at the scene. Huh? And they think Cole is a sicko.
I can't wait to see how he gets out this time.
Anyway, Gregory David Roberts escaped over the front frickin' wall of Pentridge in broad day light! Don't worry if you haven't read the book, I'm not giving anything away here.
So I've decided that if I ever go to jail, I am definitely busting out! I've got a middle name and everything! Have any women escaped from jail in Australia? In the mean time I have compiled a list of things to do in prison:
1. Lose weight
2. Get fuck off fit
3. Read loads and fast track another degree... something useful this time.
4. Get over my fear of masturbating in a room full of women.
5. Get religious.
6. Get unreligious
7. Seduce a guard
8. Write love letters to my beloved (not the guard!!! My beloved on the outside!)
9. Meditate
10. Get a tat or three
11. Start a food fight in the mess hall
12. Make a number plate
13. Start a jail yard choir
14. Campaign for organic meals
15. Avoid getting my head kicked in
16. Let a lady touch me in my swim suit area
17. Find out what Jika Jika means anyway
18. Do some movement workshops with the prisoners. No wait a minute, I just re read 15. Scrap that. Ummm... howl at the moon
19. Grow my pubes down to my ankles (could be handy in my escape)
20. Befriend a rat (could also be handy)
See yous cunts on the other side!
Favourite thing today: Shantaram. You simply gotta read it. It's amazing.
posted by Darcy at 10:26 PM
3 Comments:
BEST. LIST. EVA!!!
Glad your back Darce. No pressure. Blog whenever.
I couldn't get into Shantaram, I think studying Indian writing killed it for me, although I had the sexiest teacher in the world. India will never be the same without her!
I've heard so much shit about Greg (or 'Gregory' as he's now known) and he sounds like an obnoxious prick.
These word verif are turning into sentences now: I got 'on chloe'. for real. but there was no umlaut on the 'e'.
Try again Blimey. It's so worth it. It takes a little to get into but is so absorbing after that!!!
Do it.
Post a Comment
<< Home