Darcy's Review of Metamorphosis...The One at the Malthouse (Warning - This is Not a Love Blog)
Metamorphosis
A Play by Ben Ellis
From the Original Novella by Franz Kafka
Directed by Ben Winspear
Performed at The Malthouse
by a Bunch of Fuckin' Actors*
Review by darcy:
Boring.
So boring.
So, sooo boring.
So fucking, terribly boooooooooooooorrrriiiiiiiiiing.
Oh Christ.
Oh my. Oh dear. Oh wow, just how boring can you get? You are by the far the most boring thing I've had to endure this year. No really, I think you've just out boringed everything I've ever been bored by. Ever.
Oh, I know, slap me over the face with some theatre. No, please, I want you to. Be bigger. Be more obvious. Squeeze a few more worn to death themes in, I could never tire of them.
Oh fuck! Let me out!!!! I'm so bored!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!
When is this fucking play going to finish? Now? Oh no. Now? Oh no. NOW?!?!?!? Fuck! Come one! Please! I can't take it any more. Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaase!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Somebody help me! I can't yell at the stage. I WANT to. Christ I want to but I have three friends up there. Three!
What am I going to say to them after the show?
If I bite into that wooden railing will it hurt my teeth? If I walk over and smash my head on that wall will anyone notice?
I hate theatre. I HATE IT! I don't care if it has hitherto been a passion of mine, I herein renounce any love I've ever had for it. I should have listened to roguemaze long ago. Die theatre, die! Oh, you just did. I was wondering what that smell was.
Of fuck, thank Christ. It's OVER.
Yes, champagne please. With a dash of vodka in it? Oh thanks. Excellent.
PS (I know the bitchy pants came back on but there was no love to be had in this review)
*Good ones too but fuck - what could they do? It was like watching people in jail. Hell perhaps.
A Play by Ben Ellis
From the Original Novella by Franz Kafka
Directed by Ben Winspear
Performed at The Malthouse
by a Bunch of Fuckin' Actors*
Review by darcy:
Boring.
So boring.
So, sooo boring.
So fucking, terribly boooooooooooooorrrriiiiiiiiiing.
Oh Christ.
Oh my. Oh dear. Oh wow, just how boring can you get? You are by the far the most boring thing I've had to endure this year. No really, I think you've just out boringed everything I've ever been bored by. Ever.
Oh, I know, slap me over the face with some theatre. No, please, I want you to. Be bigger. Be more obvious. Squeeze a few more worn to death themes in, I could never tire of them.
Oh fuck! Let me out!!!! I'm so bored!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!
When is this fucking play going to finish? Now? Oh no. Now? Oh no. NOW?!?!?!? Fuck! Come one! Please! I can't take it any more. Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaase!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Somebody help me! I can't yell at the stage. I WANT to. Christ I want to but I have three friends up there. Three!
What am I going to say to them after the show?
If I bite into that wooden railing will it hurt my teeth? If I walk over and smash my head on that wall will anyone notice?
I hate theatre. I HATE IT! I don't care if it has hitherto been a passion of mine, I herein renounce any love I've ever had for it. I should have listened to roguemaze long ago. Die theatre, die! Oh, you just did. I was wondering what that smell was.
Of fuck, thank Christ. It's OVER.
Yes, champagne please. With a dash of vodka in it? Oh thanks. Excellent.
PS (I know the bitchy pants came back on but there was no love to be had in this review)
*Good ones too but fuck - what could they do? It was like watching people in jail. Hell perhaps.
posted by Darcy at 2:53 PM
7 Comments:
Uh oh. Word verification must return.
It's easier to delete one spam than to type in jargon every fucking time.
Theatre still takes it up the arse.
I fucking hate this word verification thing.
PS I haven't removed roberto dorres' poetic genious because it's funny. Bush somehow segues into penis enlargements. Ha ha ha ha ha.
It's experiences like this can turn you off the theatre for LIFE, or at least, a good six months.
nice to read someone not being a sycophant and saying what they really think.
Just learnt what sycophant means:
"A servile self-seeker who attempts to win favor by flattering influential people."
Brilliant definition.
Definitely not me. I'd have got a lot further if I were.
Thanks melbs.
PS the joke is I am currently negotiating my next theatre gig. Oy vey!
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